


Nocturne

by sakuracorr



Category: Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F, femmeslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-17
Updated: 2012-03-17
Packaged: 2017-11-02 02:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuracorr/pseuds/sakuracorr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kalinda finds herself at Alicia's apartment after a particularly hard case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nocturne

 Alicia's thighs are damp. Kalinda pauses. She's been here before, other women, other thighs, but that doesn't prepare her for when it's Alicia.

Alicia notices the hesitation. She says to the ceiling, "What is it?"

That's a hard question. This will be the first, maybe the last, time the particular taste of Alicia Florrick will cross her tongue, and maybe with someone else the particularness of it wouldn't matter, but it's Alicia. She's never known how to go forward here.

"I'm going to start touching myself," Alicia says in an annoyed but still turned on tone.

"I'm on it," Kalinda says, then, one more fleck of hesitation, and she can smell Alicia all around her as she licks a thigh, feels where the other is soft against the side of her head. The taste isn't special, and then she's not sure why she expected it should be.

\---

The case had been tough. After defending the man who had raped his own daughter–they were pretty sure of that by the time they got him a minimum sentence–Alicia had grabbed her suitcase and with a sharp nod to Kalinda, said, "Let's go."

Kalinda, knowing whatever Alicia was asking for was something she needed, had grabbed her coat and followed along.

They found the nearest place to drink, and Alicia was taking her shot before Kalinda even had hers in hand. She stared at her glass in contemplation, took it down, and Alicia looked over at her. "Don't you ever get tired of being good at your job?"

"All the time." She thinks of Cary and Will. They aren't her job, but they are the costs of being good at it. The way she is comes with collateral damage. Kalinda isn't sure she knows how to stop, is less sure she wants to, and it is only Alicia that has ever been different.

Alicia waves the bartender back over, and they take down another set of shots. "I should have become a schoolteacher."

It makes Kalinda chuckle. "I think you're too overbearing."

"I'm too overbearing?" Alicia repeats, but then she laughs. It's good to see Alicia laugh. It means she's letting go of the tension.

Sobriety washes back over Alicia. It has never left Kalinda. "Come on. Peter has the kids. Let's go drink somewhere comfortable."

Kalinda hesitates, but she knows it has to be her. Alicia won't call Will, and maybe it's better for them not to be close right now. This, being put in this situation, is why she didn't want to be involved again. The proximity makes her edgy, and she's not talking about sitting a bar stool away. "Sure," she says, and they dig out money and head to the car.

There hasn't been much alcohol yet, so they both buckle up into Alicia's car. "I have a nice car," Alicia says.

"You do," Kalinda agrees. "Is there a reason you're mentioning it?"

"Because I just noticed it. I mean, I've noticed it before, but I'm just now thinking about it."

"Hmm," Kalinda says. Sometimes she lets Alicia say these things. It doesn't mean she buys into random revelations. Owning a nice car is something, but it isn't a moment for great reflection.

"Huh," Alicia says again, as if she's read Kalinda's thoughts and has come to the same conclusion. They drive in silence, and she notices Alicia never uses the radio. Kalinda is usually too focused, focused on where she is going or who she's going after, focused on the next moment or the things that need taken care of, that she loses herself in the facts of her job. It's more than her job. Even these personal outings have the same feeling. She has no billable hours. She just works.

A radio would distract from work.

A radio would be nice now she's a passenger. The thought of Alicia's apartment still makes her itchy around the collar. She tries to brush it off, because being affected isn't what she wants to be right now. "I like the shirt you have on."

Alicia blinks, looks down. "Oh thanks. I bought it on sale at Saks this weekend. I think it was a memorial sale."

"It looks nice."

"Thanks."

That's about as far as Kalinda can go with the chit chat. She turns to look outside of the window, watching things pass by, her mind wanting to be anywhere but where they are going.

\---

"I, ah, fuck," Alicia says, and she's noisier than Kalinda expected. It makes sense, though, when she thinks about it.

The taste is all in her mouth now, and she's mapped Alicia out enough to feel in control of the situation, and that small bit of control keeps Kalinda going. Keeps her from thinking about how it is really the only piece of control she has here.

Her fingers stay on Alicia's thighs, feeling the muscles tense as she holds her steady. Even though she's ready for this to be over, she's not ready to face whatever it is that comes after this, so Kalinda draws it out.

No, that's not right. Even if this weren't about Alicia and the way Alicia makes everything feel unrestrained inside of her, Kalinda wouldn't rush it. Doesn't believe in it. There's an irony there, that she's the one who's spent so much time ducking expectations and side-stepping having to be responsible for anything while Alicia is out trying to micromanage everything in her life. Yet here they are, and all Kalinda is doing is trying to keep a hold of all the little details of the situation. Then there is Alicia acting as if she has never been concerned about what the outcome of this all was going to be.

Alicia is more than wet, and it gets to her. It's a heady sensation, a rush, and Kalinda knows she's starting to get damp herself. "I want you to come for me now," Kalinda tells her, very steadily.

Alicia nods before she thinks to say, "Okay."

It takes a few more moments, and then she watches Alicia's body, the tightening and relaxing of muscles and shudders and the little "oh" that escapes her, drinks it in like she knows this is all made to be temporary, and when it's over, Kalinda wants to have this one piece of her to remember.

"What do you want me to do?" Alicia slurs, and she's sitting up, fingers on Kalinda's clothes.

Kalinda pulls away. "I want you to sleep this off."

Alicia looks at her. She leans forward, mouth demanding as she grabs the back of Kalinda's head. Kalinda lets her for a moment, doesn't react, until Alicia pulls away from her again. "You don't want me to."

"No."

They stare at each other.

"Okay." Alicia shrugs, body falling back onto the bed, and Kalinda watches her, unsure of how to feel.

\---

Alicia had pulled out a bottle of wine. "Red okay?"

"Yeah, red's great." Kalinda stood on the other side of the island, trying not to look fidgety as Alicia uncorked the bottle and poured them two full glasses.

"I usually do this with my brother," Alicia tells her. "He's in Philadelphia for some conference thing I don't care about."

"Yeah?"

Alicia shrugs. "Well, here's yours."

They move to the couch, and Alicia leans against her end of it. Kalinda is sitting up straight. "Didn't today bother you?" Alicia asks.

"Of course it bothered me," Kalinda says.

"Then why don't you look like it?"

Kalinda looks at Alicia, is surprised the question was asked given how long they've been around each other. "I'm not a bleeder."

"What does that mean?" Alicia asks, and Kalinda notices how much of Alicia's wine is gone. Hers still sits in her hand, untouched, and she takes a drink to change that.

"Some people get shot, and you don't notice because they hold it together, don't show it on their faces, and some people... well, they make it obvious they're bleeding."

"So you're calling me a bleeder?" Alicia asks.

"This isn't bleeding," Kalinda says. She meets Alicia's eyes. "This is you trying to cover the wound with one hand."

Alicia stares hard at her and falls back. "I've lost your metaphor somewhere."

"That's okay."

"Everything is okay with you," Alicia says. "I wish I were like that. I wish I found it okay to just sleep with whoever I want without thinking about what it meant to anyone."

Kalinda isn't sure if those words were meant to hurt, but she feels the pain all of the same. She takes a drink in earnest. "Maybe you should worry less about other people."

"I tried, and I don't know how."

They sit in silence. Alicia eventually gets up to refresh their glasses.

It's after the fourth and partway through the fifth when Kalinda decides to try to get Alicia to go to bed, sleep this off.

\---

In the morning she's there, only because Kalinda knows sneaking out during the night would make things more awkward.

Alicia winces at the light coming in her bedroom windows, squints at Kalinda. "You're still here? I thought you'd be gone by now."

"Do you want me to be gone?"

"Honestly?" Alicia says. "I want this headache to go away."

Kalinda gets up to fetch her a glass and water and two aspirin. "Now you're up, I really should get going."

She's turned around so that her back is to Alicia when Alicia says, "This is awkward for me too."

It makes Kalinda's back tense up. "Which part? What happened last night or being sober enough to remember it this morning?"

"Both."

"So what do you want to do about it?"

She can hear Alicia's sighs. "I don't know. It was a bad decision."

"Yeah, it was."

The thing that surprises Kalinda is how much she wants Alicia to talk her into bed, but even in her mind she can't imagine some afterward where they try starting a relationship or an affair. The only thing they had was too much wine and too many things not to think about.

"I'm going to go," Kalinda says.

Somehow she keeps imagining Alicia asking her to stay, but Alicia says, "Next time we drink together, remind me not to mix wine and tequila."

"Got it."

Even at the door, she wants to be asked to stay. Kalinda is usually the one escaping, and when the elevator is closed and all chances to be called back are gone, she feels relief.

That's the moment when she starts feeling like herself again.

\---

It was a weak moment, Alicia clinging to her jacket as she tried to maneuver her under the covers. "You think of women sometimes. Do you ever think of me?" There was a mischievousness to it that Alicia only got when she was drunk. The drinking was also how Kalinda could ignore how insulting the question was.

"You're my... we're associates, so I try not to think about you like that."

"Why?" Alicia asks. "That's something we have in common, being willing to sleep with someone in the work place."

When Kalinda goes still, Alicia leans up again. "I always thought we'd work well together."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, before I could think too much about how it would work with Peter or the kids, you'd be running away."

"So what would be the point?" Kalinda asks.

"Sex," Alicia says. "Really great sex and the satisfaction of a mutually ended relationship."

"That sounds romanticized."

There is only a small part, like one grain of sand in a glass of water, that is the part of herself that wants something like Alicia has, that's built around stability and human connection... all those things that make people happy even without anything new or exciting. There's no chase in a life like that, but as much as Kalinda likes her life, sometimes she thinks slowing down would be nice.

Alicia says, "I want to know what it's like, and I haven't gotten laid in forever, and after today I need it. I need it."

There's a note of desperation in her voice at the end.

Kalinda hesitates. "Sure."

It's meant to sound like what is about to happen is no big deal.

Instead it is the moment she knows she'd do anything for Alicia, and Kalinda closes her eyes, focuses on her breathing. Then she is sitting on the top of Alicia's thighs, fingers working at her pants.

Part of her is giving in to what she wants, part of her is trying to get through this, and part of her thinks if it all falls apart again, maybe she can let go of this hold Alicia has on her.

It's all wishful thinking, and some time in the night, Kalinda wakes up from her light sleep on the couch, and she decides that in the morning, she's going to be okay, going to make herself be okay. Then she goes back to sleep.


End file.
